A GLIMPSE INTO THE FUTURE: THE FIRST DEBATE:

Trump: “I’m so classy, we’ll have the classiest wall, my fingers are huge, Chiiiiina!”

Clinton: (raises an eyebrow)

Trump: (loses it, screams, uproots podium, hoots in terror)

Clinton: (smirks)

Trump: (loses it even harder, soils self, attacks nearby iguanas, gibbers, proclaims self to be Jesus)

Clinton: (sneezes delicately)

Trump: (spontaneously sprouts elk antlers, vomits thousands of shrieking mini-Trumps)

Reince Priebus: “Truly, Trump is our Final Lord.”

Media: “Looked pretty close, but I never trusted those iguanas. Clinton’s sneeze was in no way presidential. Do the Democrats have an Elk Antler deficit?”

Wingnuts: (start wearing Trump wigs and penciling tiny mustaches on selves)

Everyone else: “Fuck it, I’ll vote for Hillary.”