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Onion: Breaking News

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Cato the Elder3/09/2010 7:55:09 pm PST

Poor Americans can always be relied on by the rich in one very important regard. They will reliably oppose higher taxes on billionaires.

Because part of the American religion is the firm belief that though you may live in a trailer park that’s about to be declared a Superfund site, with no teeth, no dentures, no eyesight, no glasses, no health care but plenty of health problems, no job and no clean water and no wholesome food and no decent public transportation and nobody even coming to take your info for the census, you will wake up tomorrow and be a billionaire.

And then you sure as heck wouldn’t want to pay higher taxes to help your wretched neighbors.