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Onion: Breaking News

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Birth Control Works3/09/2010 8:44:55 pm PST

re: #409 Gus 802

Does that mean you’ll be able to see the spaghetti straps this summer?

I’ve been in need of glasses like those for years.

I HATE my progressive glasses. I am always looking out of the wrong part of the lens. Next time I am going for the lines. I want the entire bottom part of the lens to be for reading.