Poem for 4/17/09
Homeland Security Assessment
By Tarzana Joe

Stung by the alarm with which
Our last report was met
We’ve retired to our bunkers
And re-assessed the threat

We’ve examined all our “intel”
And combed through all the clues
And the following advisory
Is the work of these re-views

Our country’s under siege
And with sleepers surely swarming
These groups believe in God
And not in global warming

In fact…
Our agents have concluded
That the greatest threat to you
Is from anyone, yes anyone
Who exhales CO2

We need to keep on guard
And to shore up our defenses
Against those who mow their lawns
And hide behind white picket fences

Ignore radicals with passports
From Burma, Laos or Thailand
But be sure to keep an eye on
Anyone
Who’s ever seen
An episode
Of Gilligan’s Island

Using mild interrogation
We’ve learned from one confessor
Of some subversive strategies
Being taught by “The Professor”

These insurgents are a danger
And they work behind the scenes
Of the Army, Navy, Air Force
Coast Guard and Marines

We’ve notified the DOJ
To suggest they issue bans
On gun-owners, religionists
And Pittsburgh Steeler fans

It’s the government’s concern
In fact, it is our duty
To protect ourselves from those who think
Life has both worth and beauty

Though the fact that we lacked data
Put some pundits in a funk
Everything in this review
Is a guaranteed slam-dunk.

/a lighter view………..