My boss’s tyrannical paid-time-off system will be overthrown October 27. A grand jury consisting of my cat, the alpha squirrel in the oak out back, and three bent spoons indicted her September 9th, and she has been unresponsive to catcourt summons issued by my mumbling in my sleep. As such she waived her right to a trial by jury, and the feline overlord sentenced her to give me the entire month of December off, at time-and-a-half.

I suspect she will hide behind her cube walls, cowering in front of her keyboard as she pretends to do her job each and every day until then. So riveted with fear will she be that she will not let the facade slip for even one second, lest the squirrels and Swingline stapler see her weakness and rise up against her.

But we know the truth.