Yesterday while shopping at Ralph’s I heard what I think is THE. MOST. HORRIBLE. CHRISTMAS. MUSIC. EVER. RECORDED.

It was a “jazz styling” (yes the most horrible holiday music is always “jazz stylings” especially when these atrocities are done to traditional tunes because of course) of THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS. Now “The 12 Days” has never been one of my favorite songs because it normally takes about an hour and a half to perform, but with a “jazz styling” the song was playing when I entered the store and was still playing when I checked out my items and left the store.

Fuck all “jazz stylists” on Christmas with a mistletoe branch soaked in cat urine.